St. Patrick’s Day 2014 green beer rules

There are fewer then ten commandments for observing St. Patrick’s Day than for the rest of the year.

Follow these rules from the home brewing and micro-brewery experts at Brew New York wherever in the world where you are celebrating St. Patrick’s Day:

THOU SHALT NOT DRINK GREEN BEER. This might be the most important of them all. Bud Light is bad enough as it is, but polluting it with green food coloring only makes it worse.

THOU SHALT NOT GO TO AN “IRISH PUB.” If you think you’ll get an “authentic” St. Patrick’s Day experience in a place packed with sweaty people singing along to U2 who have been drinking since 8am, you’re kidding yourself.

THOU SHALT NOT ORDER A GUINNESS TODAY. If you think you’ll get a well-poured Guinness when they’re being ordered at a rate of six per minute, you’re also kidding yourself.

THOU SHALT NOT ABUSE ALCOHOL. St. Patrick’s Day is no excuse to rub it in sober people’s faces that you’re drunk before lunch. It’s a Monday, and a lot of people are going to be working, and kids are in school. Walking around drunk at 3pm is very different from doing the same at midnight. Understand the consequences, and pace yourself.

THOU SHALT NOT USE CITY STREETS AS A RESTROOM. This should go without saying, but given the track record of St. Patrick’s Days past, it’s worth a reminder. The New Jersey website Hoboken411 has a great list of violations of this commandment from their city’s celebration in 2013. It’s an equally entertaining and depressing read.

THOU SHALT NOT DRINK BAD BEER. Just because it’s a drinking holiday doesn’t mean you have to avoid excellent craft beer. Support your local brewery and drink something tasty.

Years ago, I worked as a reporter at WABC-TV Eyewitness News in New York City, alongside anchorman Roger Grimsby, who was known both for his drinking and his ability to do a newscast after a few belts better than anybody else on the planet could do stone cold sober.

Roger once told me that there were only two days a year he did not drink – St. Patrick’s Day and New Year’s Eve, saying he left those two dates for the amateurs.